Luke 17:3-4, Romans 12:19, Luke 23:34
The Hardest Question About Forgiveness
Must you forgive someone who has not apologised? Who has not acknowledged the wrong? Who shows no remorse and may not even believe they did anything wrong?
This is one of the hardest practical questions about forgiveness, and Christians hold different positions on it.
Two Views
View 1: Forgiveness requires repentance. Some argue that full, transactional forgiveness — the cancellation of the debt — requires the repentance of the offender. On this view, what is possible and required before repentance is a readiness to forgive, an attitude of forgiveness, a releasing of bitterness — but the formal act of forgiveness awaits the offender's repentance. Luke 17:3-4 supports this reading: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him."
View 2: Forgiveness is unconditional. Others argue that forgiveness must be extended regardless of repentance, primarily for the sake of the injured party's freedom from bitterness, and because this is what God's unconditional grace toward us looks like. Ephesians 4:32 and Colossians 3:13 do not attach conditions — they simply command forgiveness.
What Both Views Agree On
Whatever position one takes, several things are clear:
Bitterness must not be harboured. "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." (Hebrews 12:15). Whether or not one calls it forgiveness, the toxic retention of resentment and the desire for revenge is forbidden.
We are not to take personal revenge. "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God." (Romans 12:19). The matter is released to God — He is the just Judge who will deal with all wrongs.
We are to pray for those who wrong us. "Pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:44). This is not optional and does not await their repentance.
The Model of Jesus
Jesus prayed from the cross: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34). His executioners had not repented. They were in the act of crucifixion. And He prayed for their forgiveness.
Stephen, being stoned, prayed similarly: "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." (Acts 7:60).
Whatever theological framework we use, the spirit of these prayers — releasing rather than retaining, praying for rather than cursing — is the spirit Christians are called to cultivate toward those who have wronged them.