Forgiving Others — Why It Is Not Optional

The Uncomfortable Connection

Jesus made a connection between divine forgiveness and human forgiveness that we cannot avoid:

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. — Matthew 6:14-15

These are among the most uncomfortable words Jesus ever spoke. The person who refuses to forgive will not be forgiven. This is not a peripheral teaching — Jesus returned to it repeatedly, including in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35).

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

A servant owed his king an unimaginably large debt — ten thousand talents, equivalent to tens of millions of dollars. He could never repay it. When he begged for mercy, the king cancelled the entire debt. The same servant then found a fellow servant who owed him a hundred denarii — a few days' wages — and had him thrown in prison.

When the king heard, he was furious: "Should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?" (Matthew 18:33). And he delivered the unforgiving servant to the jailers until he could pay everything.

The point is unmistakable: the person who has truly grasped the magnitude of what they have been forgiven cannot consistently refuse to forgive others for far lesser offences. The refusal to forgive reveals that the person has not genuinely received or understood divine forgiveness.

Why Forgiving Others Is Not Optional

The command to forgive is not a suggestion or an ideal — it is a command. "Forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32). "Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." (Colossians 3:13).

The basis is always the same: as the Lord forgave you. The one who has been forgiven a debt of millions has no grounds for refusing to forgive a debt of pennies.

How to Forgive When It Is Hard

Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. The process:

• **Acknowledge the wrong fully.** Do not minimise what was done. Name it clearly, because you can only forgive what you honestly acknowledge.
• **Choose to release the debt.** This is the act of the will — deciding not to hold it against the person, not to seek revenge, not to keep bringing it up.
• **Repeat as necessary.** Forgiveness is often not a single decision but a repeated one. The memory returns, the hurt flares up, and the choice to forgive must be made again. This is normal.
• **Pray for the person.** Jesus' command to pray for enemies is not sentimental — praying for someone changes our heart toward them.